When Should Young People Get Married ?

As you know, we attended a beautiful wedding ceremony this past weekend in Fernandina Beach / Amelia Island.  The couple is a young one, in their early 20's and it was good to see how happy and in love they seem especially since we are so fond of the groom and his family.


I got married when I was 31 years old; my husband was 38.  Neither of us had ever been married before although he had been engaged once and I had been asked once previously.  We have been married for 22 years.   I have friends who met in high school and married at age  18 and have been  happily married for 37 years.  Of course, I'm sure we all know plenty of people who married younger as well as older who are now divorced, or miserable being married.

How do you counsel young adults who are contemplating marriage at what seems like the "adolescence" stage of life?  I used to think that one (especially boys) should wait until at least 25-30 years old but with the way our culture is changing, my opinion on that has changed.  In these times I think it is good for men and women to not be alone and to endure, struggle and help each other beginning when they are younger (than I was).   I would tell a young person that to me the ideal age to marry is somewhere between the ages of 22 (after college graduation, hopefully) and before age 30, if possible.  Children usually come along and it's nice to be young enough to enjoy them but not too young to be their "buddy" rather than their parent.  

Maturity is of the essence, and comes at various ages in life.  So is a well-developed character.  Until one is about 25, that character is still growing and changing rapidly as well.  About that time, who you are at that age, is generally who you will remain.    Women, need to watch for signs of immaturity and childishness in young men in this age group, and young men need to do the same for young women.  Be observant and try not to be infatuated with the "idea of being married".   In marrying young, I suppose, a couple can grow up together and this can be a wonderful thing.   Sometimes couples who married very young and are now much older become so dependent on each other as to hardly be able to function when one spouse passes away or is incapacitated in some way.   I've even seen some women become almost paralyzed if their husband goes on a business or fishing trip.  This just doesn't seem healthy to me.  A sense of individuality is necessary when married even though you become "one" and each should have interests and activities they enjoy alone or with other friends.  Whatever the age, a marriage that kept faithful and pure, both before the wedding as well as after, builds bonds that can last a lifetime together.  

" ‘FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH’.  So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate (put asunder).”  (Matthew 19:5-6)