Teaching responsibility to your children is a continuing process, even into the adult years. From the time our sons were old enough to hold coins we have tried to teach them that there are limits to the money that we have and that we are responsible for how it is used. We teach saving, spending and giving as many families do. I'm pleased to say that both "children" have substantial savings accounts and are pretty good at managing their money. I see them both giving generously at church and when buying gifts for others for birthdays, special occasions and Christmas as well.
We have a high school teenager and a 20-year-old college student. Sometimes they both see other families buying everything that another student wants (not just what they need) and not have them pay for anything. This has always been a subject of conversation for which we have stood our ground as to the fact that these are our "rules" and they are for training as well as out of necessity at times. We have our sons pay for certain things even though sometimes, we could pay for it ourselves. In my opinion, parents are not properly training their children or preparing them for independence by covering all costs for everything especially into the adult years. The shock of real life economics upon graduating from college can be overwhelming. We have seen more than one college graduate sink into debt because he/she never learned how to manage their own money and bills. We prefer to ease our sons into adulthood and the full responsibilities of handling their own finances when they are living on their own and providing for themselves and their own families. I hope they appreciate it later when they are older.
We gave our older son a lump sum when he turned 18 to be used for any college expenses that his scholarship did not cover. To my knowledge he has not had to use much of this and he is finishing up his 3rd year at college. We have encouraged him to have a part-time job to help with expenses and to try to maintain his savings for when he graduates next year. Our younger one will have the same benefit when he graduates from high school and hopefully will have a scholarship as well.
This year our older son chose to live away from home, renting a house with 3 other young men. The realization of how much things cost on your own has made itself apparent. We cover some of the incidental costs for him such as college parking stickers, and continue to pay for clothing and shoes (I ask him to be reasonable when he shops), medical and dental care, 1/2 of his part of the car insurance, most of his cel phone costs and a few other items as needed. I typically send some food home with him for the freezer when he comes to visit as well. Our younger son is allowed extra money for any church activities, school functions and some outings with friends. We used to give allowances when they were younger but now we only pay for outside work such as cleaning the gutters, mowing the yard, edging, etc. It is our younger son's main source of income since he's not old enough to have a part-time job anywhere.
The balance is a tricky one and can be uncomfortable at times, but I encourage parents to determine your priorities, hold your ground and set your boundaries regarding finances with your children. I strongly endorse teaching little by little, precept by precept to make the transition into the adult world as effortless as possible and to become the natural order of things. My heart goes out to "children" who are thrown into the world of finance with no background or training from home. I pray that our children will always be comfortable coming to us for financial (and other) advice and that they will grow to be excellent stewards of the money and other resources that God provides them with.
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