Helping New Moms Just Home from the Hospital or Birthing Center

I am simply amazed how quickly young mothers come home from the hospital these days.  A friend had her baby two weeks ago at a birthing center in the mid-morning and was home that afternoon.  I suppose if you have had children (she already had two), you know what to expect, but where's the rest and care after "trauma" to the body?  I saw her yesterday when I took over a meal for the family. She looked fabulous! Baby was healthy...I was amazed.  If I didn't know she had just had  baby, I would not have known.   Her mother had just left from helping; her mother-in-law had just arrived for two weeks.

I had both of our sons in a hospital (I was an "older" mom) via C-section and an ectopic pregnancy in between with the same surgical area reopened for that.   Each time I was in the hospital for five days.  The doctors and  nurses took great care of me and I really felt rested when I left.  We had good insurance and did not need to stress out about the cost, but regardless, it was nice to be waited on  and really trained with a new baby each time.  For baby #1 (see photo above), I literally knew "nothing about birthing babies" or what comes with them.  Most people can hardly believe that I had never even changed a diaper.  I babysat children all through high school but never for  babies.  The nurses  in the hospital taught me everything, from diapering to breast-feeding to bathing, etc. They even sent visitors away when the room got too noisy and/or crowded.  All I had to do was "give the signal".   I was SO thankful for them all.

I encourage women of all ages who have already experienced childbirth  to reach out to a new mom who has just had her first child.    Even those with other young children appreciate  a phone call, a brief visit, a hot meal for the family...something that enables you to communicate with her in case she has questions, fears or  concerns or is just lonely.  Husbands often take a few days or even a week off from work but after that, the new mom is on her own with a little one to care for 24/7.    Many young mothers are separated from their own mothers by distance and even if their mom comes to visit, it's usually only for a week or two to help out at the beginning.   An experienced mom called me regularly for the first month or so after my first son was born for that very reason and was SUCH an encouragement to me.  I have never forgotten it.  Thank you, Sandy.

Reach out to new moms in your circle of women friends, i.e. your neighbors, church, club,  and offer a listening ear or a helping hand.  You will both be blessed.

Titus 2 Moms Talk: Your Child's First Friends in the Books They Hear and Read

This is my talk from our first Titus 2 Moms gathering of the year last night.

Your Child's First Friends:

The Books They HEAR  and  READ

You may have tangible wealth untold,

Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold;

Richer than I you can never be

I had parents who read to me.

     Strickland Gilliland  (1869-1954 from The Reading Mother

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This  talk is primarily about books other than the Bible.  I read the Bible to our kids before they were even born, and often read scripture out loud when I was nursing, or just holding them so they could hear it. When they were  younger, we would read together in the evenings.   I will assume that you either are or will be reading the Bible to your children as they grow and making Bible characters come alive to them.  Children's story Bibles are fine, but as soon as they are able, a real translation should be their very own to have, hold and read.

Allegories that teach biblical truths such as The Chronicles of Narnia series and Tales of the Kingdom are also excellent to read to and with children.

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The world of books... I love them.  Reading a book, especially with great characters is such a treat.  It's like making new friends.  How often have you shared thoughts about a book with a friend? Lately, I'm on #4 of the Mitford series (Jan Karon) and I read Redeeming Love (Francine Rivers) about a month ago. I'll read The Help sometime this fall especially after having enjoyed the movie so much. I love talking about good books with friends.  It is such a joy to do the same with your children.   

STAGES OF CHILDREN AND BOOKS

•       When my children were little (babies-age 2), their only knowledge of books was what I selected and read to them.  
•      When they got a little older (age 2-4) we went just about every week to the library and they would help choose books that I would read to them.
•      A little older (ages 5-10) and we would take turns reading [One son hesitated when I was teaching him to read because he thought I wouldn't read to him anymore.  I let him choose when that time came.] 
•       Then came the stage of reading books at the same time and discussing them (ages 11-now).  

In all of these scenarios, their book  "friends" became my friends, too.  We could refer to book memories and know exactly what we were "really" saying.  Sometimes sharing books enables us to share life even better by making it easier and less threatening to identify  our fears, emotions,  hopes and dreams.

Things I remember my kids saying after having read / heard a book:

•   He's a friend like Sam [Lord of the Rings]
•   I want to have a horse and ride  like Billy [Billy and Blaze boy & horse series]
•   I want to have adventures like  Fritz and Ernst.  [Swiss Family Robinson]
•   Look at all this beautiful food [A Christmas Carol]
•  How can a pig and a spider be friends / different types of people...? [Charlotte's Web]
•  His mommy always came after him. [The Runaway Bunny]
•   I don't know if I could do what Travis did.  [Old Yeller]

For homeschooling, in general, I made it a point to have read a literature book previously or read it at the same time they are (using 2 bookmarks) so I would know what they were reading.  From time to time, even now, my sons will still recommend a good book that they have heard of or read and I  have not.   I am so glad that they both love to read. Their language, writing and spelling are all excellent by having done so throughout their lives.  This summer my older son had a goal of reading 20 classics that he had never read before. I think he got through about 16 before college resumed about a month ago.

Audiobooks may give you the story, often abridged, and iPads / Nooks can hold thousands of books and certainly have their benefits.   Personally, I prefer holding a book in my hands.  I hope the digital age we’re currently in does not cause our society to eliminate paper books entirely for this next generation.  There’s something about holding a book in your hands and seeing the story unfold on paper.

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Babies and preschoolers:

 You read to them, of course.  

• So many choices, many of them not very good-- Sarah has Two Mommies, Daddy's Doesn't Live Here Anymore... “relevant books” are not what they need at young ages.
• Kids prefer colorful pictures, board books, books with children that look like them, animals, nature
•  Sing-song reading like good poetry [A Child's Garden of Verses], Mother Goose (NOT the politically correct one)
•  Some of my favorite little children's authors:  Margaret Wise Brown, Jan Brett, Richard Scarry, Robert McCloskey, Beatrix Potter, Peggy Parish...

Toddler-hood and up:

         P. 37  --10 Ways to raise a reader from Honey for a Child’s Heart  by Gladys Hunt.  I highly recommend this book and others  by Gladys:

•  Honey for a Teen’s Heart
•  Honey for a Woman’s Heart

I used her reading lists consistently for our children from babyhood until about age 12.  We were never disappointed in her selections.

Pretend or purely truth?  

         We all love the world of make-believe.   I think it's fine for children to be read classic fairy tales or fantasy stories.  Most children can tell the difference between pretend and make-believe  just as we can and fantasy can enliven their imagination and take them places they would never be able to visit.  Hence, the popularity of books like Cinderella, Mary Poppins, Chronicles of Narnia,  Harry Potter...  Books help our imagination in ways that television or movies cannot.

        

***Choosing a story book

• What is the theme? does it challenge the heart? bravery, kindness, doing the right thing...noble thoughts and words
•  What is the plot? the why of the story, the "agenda"
• What are the CHARACTERS like?  This to me, is the most important element.   It's OK to have good and bad characters but to talk about the differences.  Is he/she doing what God would want?  Would you want to be like him/ her? And Why?

PARTICIPATION

1.   Let's  share some of the books you brought.

Many brought 1-2 of their or their children’s favorite books and shared them. Others shared memories of favorite books.

2.   Pass around grab bag of books (free books for all, purchased from the library bookstore)

3.   Drawing for a gift book (Karen P. won a copy of Honey for a Child’s Heart )

Great Resources for you:

• Five in a Row [Curriculum that Pam M. shared for homeschool, with excellent reading lists and activities to do with each book] 
•  Gladys Hunt blog
• Reading Rainbow [PBS television program]
•  Storynory  [free audio stories for children/ recommended by Kathy's daughter Toni]

June Y. also shared about reading chapter books aloud while her children played with Legos, colored and drew.  What a great family activity. I have always admired Cindy P. for doing this with her children even through high school!  Engage Dad in reading aloud to the children as well.

Enjoy reading and learning with your children as they grow up.  They will be blessed as well as you.

What To Expect When Getting Wisdom Teeth (or other teeth) Pulled / Braces

Braces--they have been a rite of passage of childhood since I was a teenager.  Kids are getting them on these days earlier and earlier though.     My husband and I both had them--we both have large teeth; both of our children have them as well.  We all got braces in our teens.  My children and I only wore them for about 14 months.   I personally think those "phases" that some orthodontists do are not necessary but just waiting until a child is a teenager is more appropriate.  Ours did not recommend that.  We are thankful for dental insurance from my husband's job that covers a large portion of the costs and we also have a flexible health spending account  (FSA) to set aside $$ when dental, eye or other medical expenses are anticipated.  

When you have had braces, it is almost always necessary for step 2 which is to have wisdom teeth extracted a few years later.  Last year our dentist informed us that younger son needed to have his wisdom teeth removed as they were coming in sideways and would probably become impacted and/or misalign his teeth that had already been straightened. [He is the last in the family to have had this procedure done.]  I checked with our oral surgeon as to the estimated expense after our insurance.  His father pulled MY wisdom teeth; even at the same office which has been updated which was a bit of déja vu for me!  Since our son only had three wisdom teeth, insurance paid all but about $500 and there was enough in our FSA to cover that (since I had planned that the year before).  Our oral surgeon used IV sedation which we consider absolutely necessary for such a procedure.  If you can afford this, it removes most of the trauma which can be extreme depending on the person.  

I stocked up on soft foods a few days before the surgery--applesauce, soups, pasta, yogurt, Gatorade, Vitamin C (which promotes healing)... Another mom was in the waiting room with me and she still had to go do that afterwards so I was glad I was prepared.  A friend who is trained in holistic medicine recommended taking injury pellets 3 days before the surgery and 3-5 days afterwards which we have also been doing.

We were in and out of the procedure in about an hour and a half.  Then the nurse  care (me)--changing the gauze every 45 minutes for 4-5x, changing the ice pack they gave us every hour [pretty neat with pockets to replace melted ice packets with frozen ones], soft foods and water/Gatorade, milkshakes,  pain meds every 4-6 hours and plenty of rest.  [Don't tell him I have this photo.]

My son only needed the heavy-duty pain meds the day of the surgery; he used Motrin the day after when the swelling was more noticeable.  You are supposed to drink lots of water which means you may swallow a bit of blood. We think that's what made him throw up 2x that first day.  We stopped the water until the bleeding was very minimal (about 6 hours after the surgery).  He was able to drink plenty of water without incident after that.  He has complained more of a headache than of his mouth hurting so much and thankfully, the pain has been manageable.  He likes the ice pack since it's nice and cool on his head and face.

The day of surgery he did not really want food other than a little applesauce.   Day 1 after the surgery we began the frequent gentle rinsing with salt water and he was able to  eat these foods:

• Breakfast -- applesauce, lots of water
• Lunch --soup (3 bowls of it), creamy peanut butter, milkshake
• Dinner -- creamy peanut butter, garlic mashed potatoes (2 bowls), strawberry jello, milkshake

So far, no complications and we do not expect any.  Lots of tender loving care helps the healing process.  If you have a child about to go through this, be sure you are available for 2-3 days.  I did not need to "sit" with him but I did need to be close by when he needed something.  That is always comforting to someone who is in pain or has had an injury.  Another blessing of being a homeschool mom at home. :)

Happy Fathers Day

To any dads who are reading this, I hope you are enjoying the day with your child(ren) and they are showing and telling you how much you are loved and appreciated.

For new (and older) dads with sons, pick up the book The Way of the Wild Heart and read it as you are raising your sons.  I have never read a better book on raising boys.  I have five posts on this blog from the book Wild at Heart, but I think its sequel is even better.    The best gift a dad (and mom) can give a son when very young is to make sure he knows that he is a beloved one (read the book to find out why).  

We do not have daughters but from experience as one :)  your daughter also needs to know that she is a beloved child early on.  Our children were raised with Dr. James Dobson's books and advice, so here is a good one for Bringing Up Girls.   You are the first model of the Lord that your child will ever know and play such an important role in his/her development.

I am thankful that our sons  have a kind and generous father who loves them with all of his heart and that they have never had to doubt his love, even for a moment.

Have a great day with your family today!  My two sons have their dad out on an all-day fishing trip, then church and dinner later with all of us.  :)

Psalm 103:13 

Just as a father has compassion on his children, 

So the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him. 

Introducing a New Blog / Joyful Parenting in the Early Years / Marjorie Nelsen

Since so many young mothers are now in my circle of friends, from church, our neighborhood, Titus 2 Moms group, etc., I'd like to introduce you to a new blog, Colored With a  Positive Crayon, by a friend of mine, Marjorie Nelsen.  My husband and I have known Marge and her family for about three decades.  She is a Christian wife, mother and grandmother and former child educator.  I would definitely consider her a Titus 2 Mom.  :)  She has authored several books which can be found at THIS LINK.  

An excerpt from her profile:

I am a National Christa McAuliffe Fellow in Education, an early childhood teacher, parent educator, and author for 39 rewarding years. I am so passionate about joyful parenting in the early years that I founded and directed a nonprofit organization for parent education. I love being a mother of four and grandmother of 14, each child delightfully different. God does indeed color outside the box! And so do I. My absolute joy of teaching children and their parents for almost four decades spills over in this blog. 

I remember when I was a young mom with toddlers soaking in every word from Marge while attending a small class where she spoke about quality books for children.  For those with young children, avail yourself of her godly wisdom as your raise your own children.  You will be greatly encouraged and blessed.

To access her blog, go to THIS LINK.  Be sure to read her very first blog post which explains her title Colored With a Positive Crayon.  :)

Titus 2: 3-4

Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips, 

nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, 

that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children... 

Sanctity of Human Life Sunday / January 23, 2010

I remember as a child seeing an issue  LIFE magazine with photos of babies in the womb. At the time it was quite celebrated because photos of an unborn child  within the womb had never been possible.  Now 81, photographer  Lennart Nilsson shot to world fame in 1965 when the American magazine Life ran 16 pages of pictures from his book "A Child is Born" showing the development of a human fetus in the womb. 

Today is Sanctity of Human Life Sunday, the 38th anniversary of Roe vs. Wade in 1973, when abortion was legalized.   I had just graduated high school and really did not know much about such things.   While in college I knew someone who had an abortion, but she was the only one during those years.   I myself have thankfully never undergone  this procedure but I can still grieve the loss of a child in the womb  since I have experienced an ectopic pregnancy between the births of our two sons.    The scars, physical and emotional, can remain for a lifetime particularly if you are harboring guilt.  If you are one of these, or know someone who is contemplating this, encourage them to seek alternatives--adoption or keeping the baby themselves.

To view a video  of a few  individuals who have experienced abortion in some way and have had a change of heart, go to THIS LINK.

No one is truly aloof regarding this subject.  You either believe that abortion is right or it is wrong.  For my understanding of Scripture where I establish my personal beliefs, abortion is a sin and it is wrong.  If you have already had an abortion, remember that no sin is so great that God cannot forgive.   Seek the spiritual guidance that you need and turn from that way of thinking and acting.  1John 1:9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

If you have not taken this step but are considering abortion or know someone who is, take a step back and pray and reevaluate.  Ask for help.   Here in Orlando, True Life Choice is an excellent resource for training, counseling in the alternatives to abortion and financial / spiritual help.  

Psalm 72:12-14  

For he will deliver the needy when he cries for help, 

The afflicted also, and him who has no helper. 

 He will have compassion on the poor and needy, 

And the lives of the needy he will save. 

He will rescue their life from oppression and violence, 

And their blood will be precious in his sight...

For more photos and articles on Science Sheds Light on Unborn Human Life, go HERE.

If A Child Lives with ______ / Parenthood / Motherhood

Most of you have probably seen this famous quote.  It's good to be reminded every now and then...

If A Child Lives With. . .

by Dorothy Law Nolte

If a child lives with criticism. . . . . . . .he learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility. . . . . . . . he learns to fight.

If a child lives with fear. . . . . . . .he learns to be apprehensive.

If a child lives with jealousy. . . . . . . .he learns to feel guilt.

If a child lives with tolerance. . . . . . . .he learns to be patient.

If a child lives with encouragement . . . . . . . .he learns to be confident.

If a child lives with praise. . . . . . . .he learns to be appreciative.

If a child lives with acceptance. . . . . . . .he learns to love.

If a child lives with approval. . . . . . . .he learns to like himself.

If a child lives with recognition . . . . . . . .he learns that it is good to have a goal.

If a child lives with honesty. . . . . . . .he learns what truth is.

If a child lives with fairness. . . . . . . .he learns justice.

If a child lives with security. . . . . . . .he learns to trust in himself and others .

If a child lives with friendliness. . . . . . . .he learns the world is a nice place in which to live.

With what does your child live?

Although there are several different versions of this poem, they all generally say the same thing.  What would you add?

Matthew 18:3-6 ... “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.  And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me;  but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.

Proverbs 22:6 
Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old, he will not depart from it.

My First Blog Ever

A dear "old" friend of mine just started a blog which has motivated me to put a thought down as well. I have had a title for months but no posts, so here I go. I imagine that this will be a blog of things that interest me--my Christian walk as a mother of two sons, my love of music as a pianist and teacher, all things financial related (budgeting, saving money, trends) and my part-time business of internet sales.

The name Mrs. T. comes from one of my former piano students who refers to me that way as do many of my sons' friends. I like it since my last name is rather long.

I am in the stage of life of beginning to let go of my sons now that they're getting older (one just turned 20; one is almost 15) and am grateful for the many years of closeness that we have had together. One book that particularly has changed my way of thinking how to raise sons has been Wild at Heart as well as The Way of the Wild Heart (which I liked even better). Wish they'd been written and I'd read them earlier on. Boys grow into men (and mine are well on their way) which is the way it should be, but moms have to let them be men which I am in the process of learning.