Our 25th Wedding Anniversary 2012

Happy 25th anniversary to my DH and me today.  Wow!  25 years...


Matt. 19:6 Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.


This is my DH and me at Disney  World  five years before we married when we first met in 1982.  Looks like I actually had long legs and a tiny waist in this photo.   And check out those pastel blue pants!  :)   I was 27, he was 34.     No, we didn't date for 5 years--dated one year, separated and dated others,then got back together.  No, neither of us had been married before and no, we did not sleep together before we were married. [I say this to all the singles reading this so you don't feel like you have to rush into marrying or living with someone  simply because "all your friends are doing so."]  Part of our  story can be read HERE.

Since most of you did not know me when I was  a younger bride, I'd like to "invite" you to our wedding ceremony.  Unfortunately, neither of us had cameras at our rehearsal dinner which was held at the Orlando Citrus Club.  We had a delicious dinner overlooking the city of Orlando.  It was a lovely evening.  I wish there had been digital photography back then.   Oh, well, it's crystal clear in my memory.  :)


A dear friend had these pretty wedding programs printed for us as a wedding gift.

My sweet dad was almost in tears right before the ceremony.  One of my bridesmaids told us a joke to keep us both from crying literally a minute before we walked down the aisle.

We had a large wedding (300+ guests)  in the sanctuary of First Presbyterian Church, Orlando, my husband's childhood church and where his mother still attended at the time.  Church friends, college friends, relatives, neighbors, work colleagues...such a variety of people attended.

Lots of scripture reading and two wonderful soloists from Disney's  Voices of Liberty.  One sang Time for Joy; the other an original, unpublished version of The Lord's Prayer.   I'd not heard either song before or nor heard it since our wedding.   We were required to use the church organist (I would have preferred a piano) but he was accomplished and sounded great.

Here are the  beautiful lyrics to Time for Joy. I have the music if any of you would like to have it for your own wedding.

Chorus:  

Time For Joy, time for cheer

That is why we all are here 

To see the union of two we love 

Led and blessed by God above 

And as the church is loved by Christ 

So the man now must love his wife 

And as the church for Christ is to live 

So the wife her life to her husband she'll give  (Chorus)

From the beginning of time it has not been good 

For man to be alone 

And now before our eyes we see the blessed plan 

The marriage of a woman and a man (Chorus)

The mystery of ages is now again begun

How two can come as two  

And leave as one

We were glad that the church did not require that one of their pastors marry us.   It would have been strange getting married by a stranger.  The dear pastor we had is  the same one who had baptized me a few years earlier.  It was in his church that I became a Christian when I was about 23.  He and his wife have been friends and  mentors over the years.  Having him officiate was very special indeed.

Our wedding rings...sometime I must write about the proposal.  :)

My $100 Park Avenue wedding dress (marked down from $1,500)... an amazing gift from the Lord.  Lots of lace, a long train, several layers,  embroidered flowers...I loved it.  It had been hanging in my dressing room at the bridal shop the entire time I was trying on other dresses.  It was mis-sized which is probably why it had not sold and had been marked down.   This was the first of many "thank You, Lord" items that I wrote in my bridal book.

Another friend gave me the gift of having a stylist come to my home and do my hair and makeup that morning.   The power went out for about 45 minutes.  ALMOST a crisis!  :)  The only other one that I remember was that   only Bob was supposed to wear "tails". When the tuxes were delivered to the church, one of the groomsmen had tails also.  There was a race car event on I-4 to exchange it right before the ceremony began.  :)

Mr. and Mrs. T.

The hors d'oeuvres  and cake  reception was held in the adjoining fellowship hall.   Two of my pianist friends took turns playing the piano during the entire event which was so lovely.  Live classical and Christian music really made it elegant. The church is a large one so there was an in-house chef who prepared almost all of the food.  The wedding cake and the groom's chocolate cake were gifts from another friend.  My dad was so worried we'd smush cake in each other's faces.  :)  Needless to say, we did not.  We stood in the receiving line with our parents for probably an hour!  Our thoughtful wedding coordinator made sure that a box of hors d'oeuvres and cake was packed for each of us so that we'd have something to eat when we arrived at our hotel  later that evening. We didn't have any more than this bite of cake and a sip of champagne during the entire reception.

My brother flew in as a surprise from Germany to be with us. Here is my small family.

My husband is an only child but has a large extended family (this is only some of them).  Almost all of the older folks have passed away; the young ones have grown and married, some with children of their own.

Here we are with birdseed being thrown at us as we leave the church for our  2-week honeymoon.  I think it was the first time my husband had ever taken 2 weeks off at one time from work.   We visited many fun places and stayed exclusively in  bed and breakfast inns up and down the Eastern side of the U.S. ...St. Augustine, FL / Charleston, SC / Falls Church, VA and Washington, DC / Rockport and Boston, MA / New Haven, CT / Newport, RI / Williamsburg, VA / Raleigh, NC... what a wonderful trip for our first two weeks as husband and wife.  [We still found birdseed in our car. for several weeks. ]

This was taken a couple of months ago at an engagement party for one of my nephews...a few pounds heavier, a little grayer, hopefully wiser and trying to age gracefully.  :)

Twenty-five  years of memories together plus two precious sons.  -- It's been a wonderful journey and we have been through it all--for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health.    


Because we believe in a faithful marriage to one woman/man as a covenant for life, we continue to love and to cherish, till death do us part.  We  treasure the days and new memories we are making together, thanking God for the marriage He has given us so far.  Our children may not realize it, but they are blessed simply having parents who love the Lord and  honor their marriage commitment made before Him.  It is not because of us, however, it is by God's grace that two completely different people, as we are,  have done so.  So, here's to the next 25 years!  :)

The big secret to us staying together this long?

Eccl. 4:12 ...A cord of three strands (husband, wife, Holy Spirit) is not quickly torn apart. 


If you are married and are considering splitting up with your spouse (or have even done so), particularly if you call yourself a Christian, pray and reconsider what you are doing / have done to your children and your extended family.  Life is not always easy and as long as you have breath, there is hope for change.  I encourage you to not give up.  The consequences and emotional scars are long-lasting.

All wedding photography by:  Wayne Smokay Photography

Our anniversary dinner at home...a wine-tasting and The Sound of Music this weekend, plus another graduation celebration!  Our getaway trip is in a couple of weeks.  :)

Family Life Weekend to Remember 2012

Family Life is a division of CRU (f/k/a Campus Crusade for Christ).  It's a wonderful weekend getaway for married and engaged couples to attend.  My husband and I attended one on our 10th anniversary and also went to a one-day seminar called Rekindled a few years later.  We gave a weekend as a gift to my brother when he was married  two years ago and he in turn, has given it as a gift to others as well.   It's a time away for just the two of you to talk, have fun and listen to some great wisdom about marriage.  Humorous and serious, a lot of fun but with some "tissue" moments--it's an investment in your marriage that is certainly worth the $$.  I highly recommend it.

Currently, there are discounted specials that you can take advantage of as well as the one at the end of the excerpt below.  In Florida, there are five upcoming events this year (two in the Orlando area) so check it out.  Marriage is for a lifetime.  Start or continue in the right direction.

www.familylife.com

Marriage isn’t easy. It can be especially challenging when you’re juggling other significant things such as raising kids, caring for older parents, working, etc. But God didn’t intend for us to navigate life and marriage alone and He didn’t intend for it be all work and no play.

FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember Marriage Getaway is designed to give you biblical blueprints on how to navigate the ups and downs, the twists and turns of your marriage. It’s also designed to let you take a deep breath and spend some quality one-on-one time with your spouse. Let’s face it – your marriage is a living, breathing thing that takes effort, time and commitment. And at the getaway, you’ll find out things you’ve been doing right and learn other skills needed to make your commitment last a lifetime, time to put them into practice and some free time to just hang out with your spouse.

We want to help you feed into your most important earthly relationship, your marriage.Register before March 26, 2012 and receive a special Early Bird rate of $99.50 per person by calling 1-800-358-6329 or registering online at FamilyLife.com/weekend. Make sure to use the promotional code EARLY to receive this special rate.

Cleaning Your Wedding Rings and Jewelry

I was with a group of ladies recently and several were saying how dirty their wedding rings are.  One person said she never took hers off and had never cleaned it.  Sometimes rings get too tight (i.e. certain times of the month, after eating salty foods and/or walking with your hands swinging for a long time).  Generally though, taking care of your wedding rings is such a simple thing to do and a way to honor your husband.   If you are wearing a diamond you can be certain that your husband paid probably $1,000+ for it.  If you are wearing a solid gold band, these days with gold going up, at least $600+.  Whatever the value, he definitely sacrificed a bit to buy you your rings, so take care of them and wear them proudly.  

I have the prongs on mine checked at least once a year, sometimes more if I know I've snagged it on something.   Wouldn't that be awful to have the diamond fall out somewhere? This  has happened to more than one friend of mine.  :(  Every time I go to the jeweler I have them use their sonic cleaner after they inspect the prongs.     I've often wondered about a sonic cleaner. Is it a high-pitched noise that cleans the rings? is it some space-age equipment?  These are free services offered by most reputable jewelers.   I don't have one of those little machines, but I do use liquid jewelry cleaner that you can get for $5.00 or less from any department or discount store.   I usually find a jar in my Christmas stocking each year (my sons know I like to keep my jewelry clean).

More thrifty tips on cleaning your rings are at THIS LINK.

I mentioned to the jeweler the last time I had the prongs checked, that I often notice a film on my ring and need to clean it every few days.  He said that ideally, you should soak it in jewelry cleaner while you're doing something in your daily routine so it doesn't get forgotten, i.e. while  you are taking a shower in the morning. The soap scum doesn't build up by doing this little 3-5 minute routine regularly and it keeps your wedding rings (and other jewelry) sparkling and looking new. You'll want to go outside just to see them in the light. :)

Something else the jeweler told me that was a surprise to  me was that diamonds are petroleum "magnets".   He said that the soaps that we use (bar soap in the shower, face soap in the bathroom, etc.) leave a film on diamonds because they are petroleum based as are so many products that are typically used in a household.  I had no idea.  Check the labels to see if petroleum is in the products you are using.  I found several derivatives of petroleum in ours [Petrolatum, PVP/VA Copolymer].  Even  "good" ingredients like shea butter which I like to use, leaves a film on jewelry.  

Show your husband that you treasure his special gift to you by keeping your rings clean. It is a simple thing to show honor.

TIPS:  

1.  Put hand lotion on BEFORE putting your rings on.  If you have to use it while wearing your rings, be careful to not get it on the stones. 

2.  Do NOT take your rings off away from home to wash them or put lotion on. The likelihood of losing them is greater.  [I lost a custom class ring doing this--Grad Night at Disney World, 1973.  I have never done that since.  My parents were generous and replaced it for me but I felt terrible.]


EBAY SIDE NOTE:   I recently listed a lot of estate costume jewelry in my Ebay store. Much of it was  pretty dirty when I first got them.   I cleaned many of the pieces with the cleaner above and then listed some of the pieces this week.   They look like new now and one already has a bid on it. I will definitely clean the rest. :)

Giving Thanks 2010 Revisiting 2009 and Continuing / Thanksgiving

My Thanksgiving list continues.  A review of my 2009 Blog post.

2. I am thankful to be married to a man of integrity who is faithful and loves God and our family with all his heart.

                                                1987                                              2010

This year marked our 23rd anniversary.  Actually, we have known each other for 28 years.  In an age where infidelity and lack of trust are so commonplace, this is an area that I have never had to be concerned with related to my husband.  This has always been an important thing to him from the time we were married.  I remember early on when he was having lunch alone and a woman friend of mine saw him sitting by himself and plopped herself down at the same table. He was so nervous about it that he called me as soon as he got back to his office (no cell phones at that time, believe it or not) to tell me what had happened.  It was not a big deal to me since I trusted him, but oh, so important to him that he not give the appearance of evil if anyone would have seen him with another woman and heaven forbid that they should call and tell me.     

I have always felt 100% secure in our relationship, even when we were dating seriously.  Growing up, my parents and extended family had a history of marriage, divorce, remarriage, adultery, etc., etc.   My parents divorced after 25 years of marriage but had a rocky marriage for many, many years.  Perhaps that is why I waited so long to be married. (I was 31 years old.) A dear young man who loved me very much talked about us being married and I was so unnerved by it that I broke up with him soon after. Fear had the upper hand in my younger years.  In my late 20s I wondered if I would ever marry but was actually, quite content remaining single.   I'm glad that the  Lord calmed my fears in meeting and being friends with my husband for four years before we were married and that our relationship remained pure all those years.  By God's grace, our children have never had to experience the heartbreak of their parents' separation and/or divorce and are secure in knowing that my husband and I have only been married once, and that, to each other.  I am thankful that they have watched us remain together "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health..." 

Mark 10:7-9 

“FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER, 

AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; 

so they are no longer two, but one flesh.   

What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”

Weekend to Remember Family Life / Campus Crusade for Christ

A Weekend to Remember... my husband and I attended this marriage conference put on by Family Life (a division of Campus Crusade) on our 10th anniversary.  What a wonderful weekend away of laughing, talking, writing and listening to wonderful speakers, plus a date night without the children who were fairly young at the time.

From July 19-August 1, 2010, you can attend this excellent conference for the group rate of $159 per COUPLE (without having to be a part of a group).  When calling, ask for the "Bob Special", referring to Bob Lepine who co-hosts Family Life's radio program.    Hotel accommodations are separate from the price but each sponsoring hotel offers a significant discount if you are staying there while attending the conference.

My husband and I purchased a weekend getaway for my brother and his wife as a wedding gift. They will be attending in November and will be staying at this hotel in Texas.

There are conferences all over the country.   For my Florida readers, there are three scheduled here  in September--Tampa, Fort Myers and Delray Beach.

Click on THIS LINK to access the site for more information or call 1-800-358-6329.  I highly recommend this as an investment in your marriage or as a wedding / anniversary gift for someone special to you.

Let Me Be A Woman YOU MARRY A MAN / Elisabeth Elliot / Mothers Day Series / WHAT'S NEXT?

Let Me Be A Woman by Elisabeth Elliot

Chapter 24:  You Marry a Man

In our country today and around the world, there are those who choose to deny what God has taught and men marry men, women marry women.  It is a sad state of affairs that even our government is trying to change the legal definition of marriage to be this way.  I know and have known men and women who think and believe this way, some of whom have repented and become believers and are happily married to the opposite sex.  My heart breaks  for those  people I know who remain convinced that their sin is "right" and "that God made them that way" and I often pray for them.    

This chapter begins with the sentence to Elisabeth's daughter Valerie,  you marry a man, not a woman, so this discussion will be about that.  It is easy for women to  expect their husbands to  be women, to behave like us, to do what we expect (what we know other women would do).   Men are just being themselves and generally, behave as men, although some admittedly, behave as boys.    You really have to read this chapter as she describes the differences between men and women in their mannerisms and behavior.  :)

We women sometimes get exasperated with them, whether we are married to them or not.  But thankfully, God made us different.  If he's acting just like a man, be thankful, rather than condemning of him or ungrateful to God.   Men will never totally understand women and vice versa because they are not of us and we are not of them.   After 23 years of marriage I am still surprised every now and then by my husband and I'm sure that he is surprised by me as well.   Hopefully, more in a good way than bad.  

Elisabeth refers to King Solomon's visit from the Queen of Sheba. The Bible says that the queen told him all that was on her mind AND he answered all of her questions.  Not many men could sit patiently and listen for hours, answering all the questions a woman might have.  Most would not even try.  Men were  not made to hear all our thoughts and all our worries and all our details. God is here for us to talk to as much as we need to and most likely, He has provided multiple women friends to whom we can go to chat.   

Bottom line...Know your man. Know that there are things that make him different from you.  His masculinity will help to explain some of them.

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In anticipation of my next book to read with you, this series fittingly ends today with this chapter.  I know we're only halfway through the book.  There are forty-nine 2-3 page chapters in this book.   I hope this discussion has prompted you to read the whole thing.  The entire book can be read in an afternoon or a day at the beach or you could continue on reading one chapter a day for another month.  

During June, since Father's Day is coming up, I will be reading Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul by John Eldredge.  Actually I prefer its sequel The Way of the Wild Heart, also by the same author, but I don't own that copy.   I may or may not finish the book during the month, but again, keep reading and learning.  It is a book that I wish I had read when my sons were young; or even when I was a single woman.  Once I read it, my thoughts on men changed dramatically and I actually felt like I understood them more!  I encourage every woman to read it whether married, single, young, old, with or without sons, to read it.  Hope to see  and hear from you in June.

 

Let Me Be A Woman YOU MARRY A SINNER / Elisabeth Elliot / Mothers Day Series

Let Me Be A Woman by Elisabeth Elliot

Chapter 23:  You Marry a Sinner

I love Elisabeth's reference to her friend Dorothy who said:  Well, dear, we're none of us prize packages.  Just look for the essentials and skip the rest!  The prize package most likely will contain some surprises, some pleasant, some not.   How much more we could relax  and enjoy all there is to enjoy if we took Dorothy's advice.  Truly, all we, like sheep, have gone astray, including me (and you).  We are all alike in our need of redemption, which is a freeing thought in relationships, to not expect perfection from one another.  

I had to laugh when Elisabeth referred to the movie from the 1970s Love Story and the famous quote: Love means never having to say you're sorry.   I agree that it is one of the most ridiculous lines written and to be quoted, to me, shows a person's foolishness.  You  DO need to say it and probably, OFTEN. To each other.  And, receive forgiveness in return which we all need.     Living with someone, sometimes you see the trouble spots TOO clearly and need to take off our magnifying glasses and put the rose-colored ones back on -- give a little grace.  Walk beside your spouse as heirs together of the grace of life.

Let Me Be A Woman COMMITMENT / Elisabeth Elliot / Mothers Day Series

Let Me Be A Woman by Elisabeth Elliot

Chapter 22:  Commitment, Gratitude, Dependence

Having a true commitment to another person demands that one have a Higher commitment.  This puts a marriage on solid ground with a sound basis.  Don't be deceived, however.  Just because two people are believers in Christ does not mean they will not have marital problems at some point during their marriage, some more frequently than others.  You each marry a sinner who will definitely have bouts of being "in the flesh".  Still, believers should KNOW where to turn to resolve their difficulties for they are still under the authority of God and hopefully also under the authority of their church leadership. Being joined together with another is a gift from God and should be received as one.  Not to be returned or exchanged, not to be shoved in a drawer and never viewed,  but to be cherished as a special present for your lifetime.  Receiving a gift requires gratitude to the Giver, acknowledging your dependence on Him and His authority.  That is a good place to begin a marriage.

Let Me Be A Woman CHOOSING A HUSBAND or WIFE / Elisabeth Elliot / Children / Mothers Day Series

Prayer #20 for Your Children:  Their Future Spouse

Lord, please give my children wisdom and clear direction and discernment in their selection of a spouse so that they will not be unequally yoked and that their spirits will blossom in the love, care and fellowship with this person.  Raise this future mate up from childhood to be a faithful follower of Christ, one who loves our family and cherishes our children with a whole heart.

I have been praying this prayer for my two sons since the week they were each born.

2 Corinthians 6:14

Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? 

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Let Me Be A Woman by Elisabeth Elliot

Chapter 20:  Twenty Questions

Elisabeth reviews the 20 questions that she asked her daughter Valerie to think about, discuss  and answer before saying "yes" to her future husband.  A very good list, I might add.  Although it is written to a young woman, it is  also suitable for men  who are considering someone as a potential wife.   Here they are for you...

1. Is this the man you want to spend the rest of your life with? That's every day of every week of every month of every year from now till one of you dies.
2. Is he punctual or habitually late?
3. Is he orderly or disorderly?
4. Is he a reader or a TV watcher?
5. Is he an outdoor man or an indoor man?
6. Does he like your family?
7. Does he treat you as you think a woman ought to be treated?
8. Does he have men friends?
9. Does he have approximately the same education you have?
10. Does he like the kind of food you like to cook?
11. Does he come from a home similar to yours?
12. Does he like your friends?
13. Does he like to entertain?
14. Would you be proud to have him as host at the other end of the table?
15. Does he laugh at the same jokes you do?
16. Can you agree on sex?
17. Can you agree on in-laws?
18. Can you agree on children and their training?
19. Can you agree on money?
20. Can you agree on your respective roles in the home?

Differences are OK, but you need to determine if they are a matter of contention or  a matter of sin.   Don't go into a marriage expecting your spouse to change in a particular way.  We all change as we get older, but the basic character qualities need to be visible.  It is mutual commitment to a common belief that is the only solid base for lasting communion, in marriage or in any other fellowship.  Anything less will not stand the test of living.


Sometimes the questions are answered for a particular person but the time does not seem right due to a variety of circumstances.  In that case, good communication and prayer together to seek direction would be ideal.  In the interim, I always advise young (or old) men and women to not stop living and just wait, but to continue being who God designed you. Use your gifts, serve others, spend time with friends and even other people who have sought you out.   


The Lord will provide a mate if that is His will, at just the perfect time for you.  He always knows better than we do.  I speak from experience here.  I had some very special long-term relationships with young men when I was in college and into my 20's.  Although fine men, had I married any of them my life would be SO much different than it is now,  I would have had different children than the ones I have (a sad thought).   Although I first met and dated my husband in my mid-20's, we broke up for 4 years and did not marry until I was 31.  I'm glad that God had this plan for me because I am so happy with the family I have today.   Thank you, Lord.

Giving Thanks, Thanksgiving, Marriage

My 26 days of Thanksgiving list continues:

2. I am thankful to be married (for 22 years) to a man of integrity who is faithful and loves God and our family with all his heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Along this line of thought, a dear friend gave me this item in a little tract in my birthday card last week. (Her husband decided this time last year that he didn't want to be married any longer.) She doesn't want any of her friends' marriages to end up like hers. I'll share it with you:

What might God do if you said a simple prayer every day for your spouse?

Father, I said, "Til death do us part"--I want to mean it. Help me love You more than him, and him more than anyone or anything else. Help me bring him into Your presence today. Make us one, like You and three-in-one. I want to hear him, support him, and serve him--So he would love You more and we can bring You glory. Amen.

The prayer for the husband to pray each day for his wife is identical to this, substituting the feminine pronouns for the masculine.