FAMIILY & FRIENDS: Job Description of a Mom

Proverbs 31:28

Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and he praises her...

A friend sent this to me last week. A fairly accurate description of the best "job" I have ever had for the last 20+ years. I wouldn't trade one moment of it.

JOB POSITION:

Mom, Mum, Mummy, Mother, Mama, Ma

JOB DESCRIPTION

• Long-term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
• Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24-hour shifts on call.
• Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
• Travel expenses not reimbursed.
• Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES

• The rest of your life.
• Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly yet know when to speak at all times.
• Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
• Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
• Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
• Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
• Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, and invisible the next.
• Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery-operated devices.
• Must always hope and pray for the best but be prepared for the worst.
• Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION

• None.
• Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE

• None required.
• On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION

• Get this! You pay them! Offering them frequent raises and bonuses.
• A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
• When you die, you give them whatever is left.
• The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS

• No health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered.
• Limitless opportunities for personal growth
• Continual unconditional love
• A stronger prayer life
• Free hugs and kisses for the rest of your life
• Wonderful memories
• More joy than you could ever imagine

Footnote: There is no Retirement--ever! (and you wouldn't have it any other way)