Wild At Heart / Fathers Day Series

For the month of May (Mothers Day)  I did a series for women called Let Me Be A Woman, my thoughts from the book by Elisabeth Elliot.  This month, in honor of Fathers Day, I'll be re-reading Wild at Heart by John Eldredge.  This book was an eye opener for me, moreso than the Mars/Venus book or Straight Talk to Men and their Wives, etc.  It is written by a Christian male author and is an excellent book for believers and non-believers alike.  


Being the sister of one brother, the wife of one husband, the mother of two older sons (who have lots of friends), the aunt of  two grown nephews and one great-nephew, it is a book that I wish I had read LONG ago.  So, if you are female and have men in your life, whatever that relationship is, this book is extremely helpful in understanding them and letting them be who they are.   If you are male (and I know I have several male readers), you may discover things about  yourself that you might not have been able to express in words.    Its sequel, The Way of the Wild Heart is even better, in my opinion, but I don't have a copy of that one.  

I'll probably blog about this book about 2-3x each week during the month of June since there are only 12 chapters.  The italics are the thoughts of the author; everything else is from my 50+ years of experience.


I love this particular book because many of the men I know (including at least one of my sons and my husband) have read or are reading it.  It's best for men to learn things from other men rather than from women as they often really hear  and listen to other men speaking into their lives.  This blog is really for the women who love them.  :)

Wild At Heart by John Eldredge

Introduction

We (men) need something else. We need permission.  Permission to be what we are--men made in God's image. Permission to live from the heart and not from the list of should" and "ought to" that has left so many of us tired and bored.

How true. Men do seem to spend a lot of their energies trying to please us women, at least a good part of the time.  I think part of that is to keep harmony in the household or to woo a young lady.  Lists of things men should be and ought to do frustrate some immensely, particularly when they come from a book that women are more likely to read than men.  

I'm certainly not saying that men should do whatever they want, whenever they please without constraint and the author isn't either.  But we as women need to give them grace to explore, to have adventures, to be with other men to become men and stay as little boys.  I am always saddened to hear of young wives in particular who whine when their husbands are with the guys or off on an occasional adventure without them or those who get scared when they husband is out of town on business.  Trust me. It's healthy for everyone to do this every now and then.

Chapter 1:  Wild at Heart

Adventure, with all its requisite danger and wildness, is a deeply spiritual  longing written into the soul of man.  

Wow, how I wish I had known this when my sons were young. Moms have an instinctive urge to protect their young which I think never goes away.  But, we have to let the young ones gradually explore and develop into men a little at a time over the years we have them with us, not coddling them beyond a time when it is appropriate.  Giving even young boys choices to make (activities and friends), something adventurous  to do (dig a hole in the backyard and see how deep it gets), while teaching them to love and protect their sister(s) and mother gives them a sense of manhood at a young age.  Mine used to jump on and tussle with their dad when they were little.  When they'd try to jump on me, I'd always tell them to think of Mom and girls as "delicate flowers" to be treated more gently.  They understood that perfectly and have always done so with me.  They have always loved battle games, guns, knives and swords; one son is starting a collection. No, I'm not worried that I'm raising a terrorist but one who loves adventure and the things that men do.  Robin Hood, Braveheart and Gladiator are favorite movies with adventure heroes in them around our house.

Society at large can't make up its mind about men. Having spent the last thirty years redefining  masculinity into something more sensitive, safe, manageable and, well, feminine, it now berates men for not being men.  

Manners are good and everyone should have them.  Men and boys need physical exercise and projects to keep occupied, learn new skills and something to conquer.  Give your son an old clock and let him tinker, take it apart and put it back together.  Thrift store finds are great to practice on.  Let him work with tools or the computer on projects rather than just games.  Send the men in your house out shark fishing (as mine are currently interested in doing), to car shows, to the beach, learning new semi-dangerous things together (diving is a favorite in our home which I am afraid of but which I glad let them do together).   Letting your men have a little wildness in their lives can be a simple thing as well.  My husband loves to drive in his car with the top down which I really cannot stand especially when we're going fast.  Sometimes I ride with him and suggest that he do that and boy, does he perk up and almost immediately get happier. Kind of like riding a wild horse on the range, I guess. :) 

There are three desires I find written so deeply into my heart I know now I can no longer disregard them without losing my soul.  I want you to think of the films men love, the things they do with their free time, and especially the aspirations of little boys and see if I am not right on this.  

1. A Battle to Fight
2. An Adventure to Live
3. A Beauty to Rescue

Women want everything to be peaceful without conflict.  Men need a cause and a purpose for living.  Women are generally contented at home; men love to explore.  I love travel as well but am easily contented to see one or two places when on vacation; my husband wants to see and do everything there is to do in a new place which wears me out.  So, I rest up and take vitamins before traveling with him.  :)  There is always the fair maiden in any hero-type  storybook.  Not that everyone needs to be a trophy wife but make the effort to look and smell your best with the men in your house.  Let him be the prince and you his fair lady.  I never wanted my husbands or my my sons to remember me as a frumpy mom so I always dress casual and put on a little makeup in our home even when it's just us here.  The men in a home want to be proud of the mom and girls who live there as well.

Just a few thoughts from this packed chapter.  I encourage you to pick up a copy yourself and read this enlightening book.