Wild at Heart Chapter 4 / Fathers Day Series

Wild at Heart by John Eldredge

Chapter 4:  The Wound

Every boy in his journey to become a man, takes an arrow in the center of his heart, in the place of his strength.  Because the wound is rarely discussed and even more rarely healed, every man carries a wound.  And the wound is nearly always given by his father.

John begins this chapter with a story of rock-climbing with his sons--how he affirmed them without dirrectly affirming.  Ladies, read this.  It explains a lot. :)  His son comes back to him later and wants to hear it again: Dad, did you really think I was a wild man up there?  That's what men long to hear from other men and especially from their dads.  I think back to my father's longing for that all his life.  His dad was killed when he was only three years old so he was raised by his mother and grandmother during The Depression.  My brother always looked for that from our dad when he was alive and I'm sure his two sons look for that from him.   I see firsthand  my sons both looking for the same from their dad.  Mothers generally always think their children are perfect at everything they do and tell them so often.  Dads are more reserved with their praise, and sometimes, honestly, it may mean more coming from one male to another.  The impact that a dad's (or other significant male) encouragement or praise has on a young man will affect his attitudes throoughout his life.

John discusses various fathers and sons in the Bible who name their sons and give them their patriarchal blessing. One noticeable instance is when Rachel names Jacob's last son Ben-Oni (man of my sorrow) but Jacob renames him Benjamin (son of my right hand).  What a difference when a father intervenes.  There is a section on the relationship between mothers and sons.  Being the mother of two sons myself, I thought this was "spot on". A mother is the incarnation of God's tenderness, but if a mother will not allow her son to become dangerous, if she does not let the father take him away, she will emasculate him.  A father needs to intervene so that a boy can learn to be a man from another man.  A good illustration from the movie A Perfect World follows (I have never seen this myself.)

When fathers and sons spend long hours together, we could say that a substance almost like food passes from the older man to the younger.  Wow!  He's not talking about time watching TV or just being in the same room together, but an older man engaging a young man.  There is an older man in our church who has spent 30+ years in ministry and is unmarried.  He is in the "sage" stage of life (see The Way of the Wild Heart) and uses his time wisely.  He engages and spends quality time with the younger men (college age and up) --eating together, good conversation, physical outdoor activities, retreats...  He talks with these "young bucks" (as he calls them) about the deeper things in life, about their growing (or not growing) spiritual depth, of their hearts and temptations and truly gives them courage to be men.  Needless to say, he is dearly loved by them and by us whose sons have benefited from his wisdom and time that he has so freely given them.  Strong families and strong nations need strong men to lead them well.  Never underestimate the gift of strength from one man to another and how that one man may literally change the world.

So much in this chapter which continues on into the next--The Battle for a Man's Heart.

As I'm typing this, I'm listening to Family Life Today on the radio with a broadcast about fathers spending time with their wives and children. The speaker is Freddie Scott II.   Excellent.  Here is the link to his series The Dad I Wish I Had.  You can listen online or download as MP3's.