Chapter 5: The Battle for a Man's Heart
John starts this chapter off remembering when his son was in the first grade and was confronted by a bully. His advice to his son the next time the bully pushed him down? I want you to get up...and I want you to hit him...as hard as you possibly can. I can vaguely giving one of my sons that same advice in school when he was younger. Neither of my sons was ever troubled by bullies but I had prepared them in advance that if it should happen, this was OK, then go tell a teacher what was done and why.
He continues on with his thoughts on tranquilizing drugs like Ritolin for ADD or ADHD. Much of these "diagnoses" occur within the public school system when children do not want to sit for hours upon hours at a time. (Another excellent reason to homeschool your children.) He thinks along these lines exactly as I do--that kids are being over medicated for being kids, especially boys, who need large motor activities during the course of they day no matter what the age. I used to tell mine to go outside and exercise the trouble out. They're much better for it, plus they love the jumping, running, swimming, climbing...you get the picture.
I love his story of Brig. Gen. Norman "Dutch" Cota, who taught his men (by showing them) how to take a house filled with Germans in World War 2. The men were pinned down in their minds and were paralyzed to act until he led them to victory. Such is the case of men who have been wounded by their fathers, coaches, significant people in their lives. Men need to know who they are and if they have what it takes. But who tells them these things?
They search for it in significance, in the kind of car they drive, in the size of their home, the clubs they belong to, the amount of money they make; they search for validation in all sorts of directions. One of the worst places they search for this is with women, real ones or the illusion of women, as in pornography. Some marriages become troubled because the man is seeking validation from his wife which she has the power to give, but she also has the power to invalidate him since she sees him at his best and at his worst. She becomes his all in all which is not healthy for either of them.
Men cannot get their answers / validation from any of the things they chase after to find their sense of self. There is only one Source for the answer...
So much of this section could also be applied to women who are also seeking validation from their boyfriend, spouse, career, volunteer work, etc. The only place for true validation is from the Lord, which I assume will be in the next chapter.
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