Genealogy: How I Found My DNA Relatives, Part 6 (FINAL)

Genealogy: How I Found My DNA Relatives, Part 6 (FINAL)

Meeting My Relatives

Psalm 130:5 I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait, and in His word do I hope.

Well, here we are at the “end” of the story…

If you missed the other 5 posts, click HERE

After several months of talking back and forth, our whole family planned a trip to New Mexico to meet both sides of the families.  At first my brother and his wife wanted to fly to Florida to meet us, but we agreed it would be better if our family went there and met everyone.  So, in August 2022 my husband, two grown sons and I synchronized our schedules and traveled out West.

 

I arrived two days early to spend time with as many who wanted to see me before my husband and sons arrived. [They went to Carlsbad Caverns and White Sands National Park on the way there.]  I was expecting my sister-in-law to pick me up at the airport. I was a bit stressed because I almost missed my connecting flight (be sure to check  the gate LETTER as well as the number when changing planes!). I must confess that I was a little  nervous, too. 

When the double doors opened, there she was with her daughter and her granddaughter with a bouquet of flowers for me (plus a gift basket that was in the car)!  😭  SO unexpected and so very thoughtful. We all had a lovely afternoon and early evening with dinner together. They even took me grocery shopping to get a few things for the family while staying in the AirBnB.

One of the few families that does not live in New Mexico had driven from California to meet me.  That niece is the one who had done the extensive genealogical research about our Sephardic Jewish lineage (see previous post about that). She and I had been talking and zooming almost every week for much of the summer.  We even read a good portion of a book together. We all hit it off wonderfully.  She and her family took me to Santa Fe to spend the day.  They also went with our whole family to the Sandia Mountains to hike around and see the views. It is so unusual for all of us to mesh with another family so easily and quickly. 

It is such a strange thing that when people see you, they tear up or cry (which makes me cry). My father’s side of the family say that I look just like him; my mother’s side of the family say I look like her.  I guess I’m a good blend of both.

There were also two large family events.  One was a dinner with about 30 people at a restaurant near our AirBnB with mariachi musicians/singers. I met my sister and another brother that evening. Quite emotional, I must say, especially after all of the prayers that were said for  and about us (each time we were all together). 😭  The other was an afternoon/evening barbecue at my brother’s large home with about 50-60 people with chile pepper roasting (a traditional family event). I had requested name tags and everyone wore them with their name on top and their relationship to me under their name. That helped our family so much!  

On a side note, our family thinks it’s cute that my husband is the “exotic” in our Spanish family. He has light hair and clear blue eyes and everyone really noticed them.   At our wedding ceremony 35 years ago, the little girls in his family all thought that I was the first “exotic” in the family because I have such dark hair and eyes.  😀

My sweet cousin (from yesterday’s post) had us all  and another cousin to her home for coffee and brunch as well. It was a small gathering, but several hours of great conversation and food. Everyone enjoyed that visit immensely. Saying goodbye to our extended family was more difficult than I had anticipated. 😭  I’m glad that some of them come to Florida occasionally and we are already planning another family trip to California  next year so it was definitely not goodbye forever. 😀 

I am so thankful that my son gave me this very special Christmas gift and that my nephew reached out to me initially.  Our whole family would certainly have missed an amazing adventure without them both. 

So, as I mentioned in my first post, I feel like I’ve been in a Hallmark movie that hasn’t ended. I have regular contact with at least 5 of the women (both sides of the families), 2 nephews and one of my brothers.  In addition to that, many more chat and text via phone, zoom, Facebook and messenger.  They seem very happy that we are part of their families;  I certainly am happy that I am part of theirs. 

May the Lord bless them and keep them, each and every one…💕

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EPILOGUE: 

There are many more details so if you have any questions, just ask me. OR if you are considering doing a DNA search yourself, I would encourage you to do so.  OR if  you have already contacted biological relatives and were rejected (as sadly, one of our cousins had been), just remember that more than likely there are some, probably many, who will NOT reject you.  Be brave and enjoy the journey in your  adventure.

Last year I was hired by our former church to record about 200 pieces of music for their online streamed worship services. They invited me recently to tell the story of my DNA search and trip to Albuquerque.  Click HERE if you would like to listen to that talk. The service is 2 hours and includes introductions, welcome and announcements and prayers at the end. If you do not want to hear the entire 2 hours, skip to…

• 2:55 to hear one song played by me on piano (usually there are 3)
• 1:02:05 to hear my story

Blessings to you all and thank you for joining me on my DNA adventure! 

Genealogy: How I Found My DNA Relatives, Part 5

 Genealogy: How I Found My DNA Relatives, Part 5

My Adoption Records

Isaiah 48:6  …I proclaim to you new things from this time, even hidden things which you have not known.  (I know this verse is taken out of context, but it certainly fits the situation.)

This part is such a miracle.  I love retelling how these events transpired...

I had now determined my mother’s family but which sister was my mother? There were 5 sisters. I had it narrowed down from 5 —> 4 and finally to 2.  I really had to get this correct because one sweet woman as I mentioned previously, thought I may be her sister (her older sister has passed away a couple of years ago). I thought I was her sister also, so I absolutely prayed for the Lord to show me which sister…

I called the Clerk of the Court in South Carolina where I was born, twice, one month apart. Both people who  answered said that all adoption records are sealed unless you have a court order. Period. I searched through their website twice.  Multiple places on the website state that all adoption records are sealed.  I called my genealogist friend for help.  She told me to “call back one more time and make friends with whoever answers the phone”.  She really said these exact words.  I couldn’t believe it.  So, in faith, I took her advice and called one last time. She was just the push I needed for one last try...

I called and the sweet young woman who answered asked me what year I had been born (no one had asked me that).  I told her and she said “those records are upstairs. They are only sealed from 1962 on.”  I almost started crying AND almost dropped the phone. 

This really happened— she said “we are having a tornado warning… can I call you back?”  I was afraid to let her off the phone in case she forgot or was just giving me a line.   She DID call back…twice.  Once to tell me the records were there and that she was sending her aide upstairs to get them.  A second time to read me my mother’s name from the adoption records.  [It was one of the two that we thought.] She scanned those as well as my name change from Baby Girl Valencia to my name and emailed them to me.

What a miraculous turn of events.  I printed the documents and just kept looking at  them.  In my entire life, I had never seen them. Not even when cleaning out my parents’ homes after they passed away.  So now, there was no question who my biological mother was.

The sister/cousin was in reality my first cousin. By now, she had also done a DNA test which doubly confirmed everything. We were both thrilled. As she so sweetly said… “one more family member to love”.  She is such a treasure. Our whole family visited her and her husband in their home plus one other cousin while we were in Albuquerque. We have stayed in regular contact with each other since. Such a gift. 

 

 

Thank You, Lord. He had known all along and wanted me to know also. I just had to wait for the appropriate time.

The final post of this story will be on Thursday…

Genealogy: How I Found My DNA Relatives, Part 4

 Genealogy: How I Found My DNA Relatives, Part 4

Father’s Side ✅; Mother’s Side ❓

Proverbs 16:9  The mind of man plans his way,  but the LORD directs his steps.

News travels fast.  Before I knew it, MANY of the female relatives started contacting me on Facebook messenger, text messages and emails.  I cannot tell you how encouraged I was.  I’ve  never had sisters, although I have quite a few friends who are as close as sisters.  Many photos were exchanged and I was really beginning to feel like part of the family.

Some cool facts about my father and his side of the family (other than the Sephardic Jew revelation in post #2):

• My father was in the Korean War and was away for 3 years
• He married in 1958; I was born in 1955
• My father passed away in 2007
• I have 2 more living half-brothers and one sister; one brother passed away 
• I have 3 more nieces and 3 nephews
• Much of both sides of my family live fairly close to each other in New Mexico but with the exception of one person, do not know each other.
• As far as anyone knows, my father did not know about me. Everyone says that he would have married my mother if he had known. But then, none of the delightful people we met on our trip would have ever been born! I was raised by a wonderful family (parents are both deceased, and I am close with my brother), so I have no regrets about not growing up with the others.  But now I have TWO sweet families!

My mother’s side of the family was more difficult to find since I had so little to start with. However, there was one woman who had done a DNA test whom I thought looked a bit like me, so I contacted her.  (I was getting a little bolder now since no one had rejected the idea of me being in the family.)   She has a 13.62% / 1st cousin relationship with me.  I had already asked several on my father’s side if she was in their family and they all agreed that she was not, so now I had ONE female on my mother’s side to help begin that search.

I sent her the same greeting that I had to the others on the 23andMe site.   She responded right away and told me that her father’s last name was Valencia.  This was huge because HER last name was not Valencia. I had no idea!!  I knew I had the right family because of her resemblance and that name. (Many do not like Facebook, but I tell you, it was invaluable to me in this research.)  We continued our conversations on FB messenger so that we could share photos. One of her father’s many siblings had to be my mother. Because she had given me her father’s full name, using Google search yielded many hits. 

Another remarkable piece of information was that one of my cousins (in her late 70s now) remembered at age 11, meeting my mother in my grandparents’ home. She is the ONLY one in my family still living who met her while she was pregnant.  My mother lived with my parents for 4-5 months before I was born. More on that later.  My cousin’s comments about her when she saw her so long ago helped narrow down her age, so now I was focusing on 2 sisters in particular rather than 6. 

TIP: When searching for a person, sometimes combining names will give a more specific hit rather than searching for just one name. Obituaries provide many family names for more precise hits.

One of those hits was my DNA cousin’s father’s headstone. Did you know that there is a website called FindAGrave.com which shows a picture and details of every headstone in the United States? I didn’t know that either.  That ONE search gave me so much information: the names of his siblings (11 of them!),  his wife’s  name, date of birth and death, his parents, etc. 

But the most important piece of information of all was a link to a woman under the picture below.  I messaged her within the site assuming that she would be a family member but she was actually a seasoned genealogist!! She is retired and her hobby is helping people find their relatives.  She, so very generously, gave me her full access to ancestry.com (which expires Sept. 1—oh, the timing of all of these details was truly remarkable).   Her one condition was that I do all of the work by brainstorming, thinking through the details, asking questions, contacting people, making charts and graphs, etc.  She answered my questions if I got stuck, but I did basically  everything myself. The saying “you learn more completely by doing” is definitely true.

This search was like a giant jigsaw puzzle which, if you know me, know that I love doing puzzles.  I stand amazed at how the Lord placed this woman in my search path at exactly the right time and that she was so gracious to me, a total stranger.

More next Monday…

 

Genealogy: How I Found My DNA Relatives, Part 3 -- First Contact

Genealogy: How I Found My DNA Relatives, Part 3

Colossians 4:6 Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.

First Contact

As I mentioned previously, my primary purpose of doing a DNA test was to determine if I am really of Spanish origin.  Talking or meeting real people was not even a consideration.  I went back and forth over whether or not to check the Privacy / Sharing option to “yes” and eventually  decided that I would. At my age (almost 67), why not? I did not expect anyone to contact me, but just in case…

The very next morning, I received a message from within the 23andMe site!  Those who know me know I rarely talk to strangers on the internet.  I looked at the photo which was of a young man with red hair and fair skin.  I thought there must be a mistake but he was so certain that I was his “aunty”.   The 23andme site had placed him on the family tree as my grandson and I knew that wasn’t true so that meant that he had to be a nephew.  His percentage relationship to me was 13.55% and his younger brother was 17.89%.  10% or more indicates a closer familial relationship. 

He and I exchanged photos and he gave me a general history of the family, parents (my father had passed away), siblings, etc.  He was (and is) a very polite and friendly young man but I just couldn’t see that we were related because we looked so different from each other (turns out his mother is blonde and very fair).  But his father!!!  His father looked just like my older son… young photos of him even moreso.

After talking online for about a week, I asked him if there was anyone in the family that I might speak with who was older. I had been talking with a “kid” and although he seemed responsible, I wanted someone closer to my age to discuss all of this with.  He directed me to my sister-in-law and her husband (my half-brother) and sent me their photos.  I could not believe what I was seeing... I knew I was looking at my brother (see photo below).  I looked on Facebook and found my sister-in-law.  I prayed long and hard about what to say in Facebook messenger. I didn’t want to scare her/them off but really wanted just the right words to say who I am and that I wasn’t a scam or something worse. 

This is how I worded my first message to my sister-in-law:  Hi, there. This may be one of the strangest messages you have ever received here on FB messenger. Your nephew ______ and I have been chatting via FB and 23andMe DNA testing site for about a week or so. It appears that we are related (we think he and his brother are my nephews) and that your husband is one of my half-brothers.  I would love to FaceTime or Zoom chat with you to ask some questions and compare notes, so to speak, or with _____ who may be my half-sister. Would you be open to doing this sometime this week? There is no pressure whatsoever, but this DNA study is quite fascinating…  In other messages I added …if this is upsetting to you, just delete this message and I won’t contact you again.  I sent this same message to others in the family and was told later that it was this specific wording that drew them all  in.  Thank You, Lord.

I went on to explain that I had been born 2 years before my biological father and mother ever married (not to each other), when they were 19 and 20 years old.  If I had thought that either had cheated on their respective spouses, I would not have gone any further, so as to not hurt the family or cause scandal in any way.  I was praying that she would believe me and not be offended or upset.  She wasn’t!!!  So began a series of back and forth communication which was very encouraging and so helpful. I was so glad that I took the risk and changed that preference on the website to “yes”... AND that both my nephew and my sister-in-law were open to the possibility of me being part of their family.  😀

 

This photo is my half-brother and me taken a couple of weeks ago at almost the moment we first met, at the gravesite of our father. When we each stepped out of different cars and he saw me in person, he cried (as did I).  😭  Of all of my relatives, he and I look the most alike. Keep in mind that no one in my family has ever looked like me except my two sons.   When they were each born, I cried for joy at the  births of healthy sons but also to see that they both looked just like me!  To see my brother for the first time was a moment I will never forget. There were a few other relatives there (some also crying).  After awhile, we all held hands in a circle and my brother prayed for us all including the words “…now our family is complete”.  😭

More later…

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Genealogy: How I Found My DNA Relatives, Part 2 -- Ancestry Composition

The Ancestry Composition Results from  My DNA Test

  “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you…”  [Jeremiah 1:5]

I received my DNA test results (23andMe) about 4 weeks after shipping the kits.  Interestingly, they arrived about 2 weeks before the others. By the way, if you’re interested in buying from any company, wait until Black Friday when they are discounted. OR if you want to buy a 23andMe kit sooner than that, HERE is a referral link to purchase.

 

I thought that this was fascinating. My ancestry composition very closely matches the relatives who have tested.  When I decided to do the test, truly, the only information I wanted to know was “am I really from Spain?”.  My adoptive parents had always told me that… my mother’s maiden name was Valencia, so that seemed right, but I always wanted to know for sure.  People have asked me my entire life, “are you … Chinese? Japanese? Aruban? Greek? Jewish? Cuban? Spanish? Portuguese? Hawaiian? Italian?”…  and so many others.  You name it, I’ve been asked.

So this verified it: The highest percentage of my ancestry (49.7%) is Spanish/Portuguese from Spain.  A totally unexpected turn of events is that one of my younger relatives did a 16-generation ancestry research project  (she hired a professional genealogist) for the family going back to Queen Isabella and King Ferdinand’s time!!! I’d never seen a genealogy more than 5 generations and now I have one (father’s side) with 16!!  

One of my male relatives in the 1400s was exiled from Spain by the monarchy (the other  choices were to convert to Catholicism or be executed).  He was on one of the first ships departing Spain at that time. That’s the 1.0% Ashkenazi Jewish part. What a discovery!

I am also 35.4% Indigenous American.  This will probably always remain a mystery since my mother’s side of the family has never done much genetic research, but who knows? I may learn more as time goes on.  On my father’s side, the genealogy that was done shows three Zuni Women. Sadly, the recordkeepers (mostly Catholic friars) did not include their actual names. But on the other hand, mostly kept very clear records which is the reason that the genealogist could go back so far with such accuracy and detail. About 9% of my ancestry is Asian, Middle Eastern and African. 

So very interesting…more later.

Genealogy: How I Found My DNA Relatives, Part 1

Genealogy: How I Found My DNA Relatives, Part 1

Psalm 139:13 For You formed my inward parts; You knitted me together in my mother’s womb.

I haven’t posted to my blog in quite some time but since so many have asked how it all happened, I decided to reactivate my blog to tell the story. This is the first in a series of blog posts that I’ll write outlining the steps, some of the stories and tips for doing this yourself.  It’s a risk but one that I am certainly glad that I took. Much prayer went into the decision and into each step as well because there were many roadblocks along the way…  I will try to post 2x per week. This is my personal story which incredibly, sounds like a Hallmark movie…

August 2022: I just returned from a week out West with my family to meet my newly discovered DNA relatives.  It was a truly remarkable time.  We all felt so warm and welcomed and loved by everyone we met.  Lots of family activities and special events were planned with both sides of my DNA family.  Even thinking back now, I can hardly believe it. 

I was adopted when I was 2 weeks old and never knew my biological family. The only information I had was my mother's maiden name.  I grew up with a wonderful family of four in the South and wouldn’t change a thing, but still, the feelings when I spent time with so many WHO LOOK LIKE ME were unquestionable. It made me feel like the circle of my life was now complete.  I know that all searches do not turn out like mine did, and I really do feel for those that do not.  I believe that God plans the details in everyone's lives, so whether your search turns out like mine or differently, just trust Him with the results. And by all means, go for it!

Step 1:  Do a DNA test 

There are many kits out there.  One of our sons gave us DNA tests for Christmas in 2021.  He chose 23andMe which is good for what we initially wanted— background and ancestry.  If I had it to do over, I would probably have chosen ancestry.com simply because once you join, you have access to a multitude of documents and records and it seems to be the most popular.   In my case, some relatives chose 23andMe and some chose ancestry.com.  Of course, records are not merged from one DNA company to the other. If all you want is family origin and health (I opted out of health— no need in having a dark shadow over my life), 23andMe is perfect.  I am thankful that my son gave me this exceptional gift to start me on the path.

Most tests are either cheek swab or saliva.  Ours was saliva.  We were all together when we did it (you have to spit into a tube, a LOT).  We were all laughing so hard that we had to go in different rooms to finish.  Took about 15 minutes to complete, then we packaged them all together and shipped them at the same time (end of December 2021).

DNA is one area of science which has been determined to be quite accurate (I don’t always follow the science) but we all felt very comfortable doing this together.  Then we waited for about 4 weeks for the test results…