Genealogy: How I Found My DNA Relatives, Part 3 -- First Contact

Genealogy: How I Found My DNA Relatives, Part 3

Colossians 4:6 Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.

First Contact

As I mentioned previously, my primary purpose of doing a DNA test was to determine if I am really of Spanish origin.  Talking or meeting real people was not even a consideration.  I went back and forth over whether or not to check the Privacy / Sharing option to “yes” and eventually  decided that I would. At my age (almost 67), why not? I did not expect anyone to contact me, but just in case…

The very next morning, I received a message from within the 23andMe site!  Those who know me know I rarely talk to strangers on the internet.  I looked at the photo which was of a young man with red hair and fair skin.  I thought there must be a mistake but he was so certain that I was his “aunty”.   The 23andme site had placed him on the family tree as my grandson and I knew that wasn’t true so that meant that he had to be a nephew.  His percentage relationship to me was 13.55% and his younger brother was 17.89%.  10% or more indicates a closer familial relationship. 

He and I exchanged photos and he gave me a general history of the family, parents (my father had passed away), siblings, etc.  He was (and is) a very polite and friendly young man but I just couldn’t see that we were related because we looked so different from each other (turns out his mother is blonde and very fair).  But his father!!!  His father looked just like my older son… young photos of him even moreso.

After talking online for about a week, I asked him if there was anyone in the family that I might speak with who was older. I had been talking with a “kid” and although he seemed responsible, I wanted someone closer to my age to discuss all of this with.  He directed me to my sister-in-law and her husband (my half-brother) and sent me their photos.  I could not believe what I was seeing... I knew I was looking at my brother (see photo below).  I looked on Facebook and found my sister-in-law.  I prayed long and hard about what to say in Facebook messenger. I didn’t want to scare her/them off but really wanted just the right words to say who I am and that I wasn’t a scam or something worse. 

This is how I worded my first message to my sister-in-law:  Hi, there. This may be one of the strangest messages you have ever received here on FB messenger. Your nephew ______ and I have been chatting via FB and 23andMe DNA testing site for about a week or so. It appears that we are related (we think he and his brother are my nephews) and that your husband is one of my half-brothers.  I would love to FaceTime or Zoom chat with you to ask some questions and compare notes, so to speak, or with _____ who may be my half-sister. Would you be open to doing this sometime this week? There is no pressure whatsoever, but this DNA study is quite fascinating…  In other messages I added …if this is upsetting to you, just delete this message and I won’t contact you again.  I sent this same message to others in the family and was told later that it was this specific wording that drew them all  in.  Thank You, Lord.

I went on to explain that I had been born 2 years before my biological father and mother ever married (not to each other), when they were 19 and 20 years old.  If I had thought that either had cheated on their respective spouses, I would not have gone any further, so as to not hurt the family or cause scandal in any way.  I was praying that she would believe me and not be offended or upset.  She wasn’t!!!  So began a series of back and forth communication which was very encouraging and so helpful. I was so glad that I took the risk and changed that preference on the website to “yes”... AND that both my nephew and my sister-in-law were open to the possibility of me being part of their family.  😀

 

This photo is my half-brother and me taken a couple of weeks ago at almost the moment we first met, at the gravesite of our father. When we each stepped out of different cars and he saw me in person, he cried (as did I).  😭  Of all of my relatives, he and I look the most alike. Keep in mind that no one in my family has ever looked like me except my two sons.   When they were each born, I cried for joy at the  births of healthy sons but also to see that they both looked just like me!  To see my brother for the first time was a moment I will never forget. There were a few other relatives there (some also crying).  After awhile, we all held hands in a circle and my brother prayed for us all including the words “…now our family is complete”.  😭

More later…

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