Genealogy: How I Found My DNA Relatives, Part 6 (FINAL)

Genealogy: How I Found My DNA Relatives, Part 6 (FINAL)

Meeting My Relatives

Psalm 130:5 I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait, and in His word do I hope.

Well, here we are at the “end” of the story…

If you missed the other 5 posts, click HERE

After several months of talking back and forth, our whole family planned a trip to New Mexico to meet both sides of the families.  At first my brother and his wife wanted to fly to Florida to meet us, but we agreed it would be better if our family went there and met everyone.  So, in August 2022 my husband, two grown sons and I synchronized our schedules and traveled out West.

 

I arrived two days early to spend time with as many who wanted to see me before my husband and sons arrived. [They went to Carlsbad Caverns and White Sands National Park on the way there.]  I was expecting my sister-in-law to pick me up at the airport. I was a bit stressed because I almost missed my connecting flight (be sure to check  the gate LETTER as well as the number when changing planes!). I must confess that I was a little  nervous, too. 

When the double doors opened, there she was with her daughter and her granddaughter with a bouquet of flowers for me (plus a gift basket that was in the car)!  😭  SO unexpected and so very thoughtful. We all had a lovely afternoon and early evening with dinner together. They even took me grocery shopping to get a few things for the family while staying in the AirBnB.

One of the few families that does not live in New Mexico had driven from California to meet me.  That niece is the one who had done the extensive genealogical research about our Sephardic Jewish lineage (see previous post about that). She and I had been talking and zooming almost every week for much of the summer.  We even read a good portion of a book together. We all hit it off wonderfully.  She and her family took me to Santa Fe to spend the day.  They also went with our whole family to the Sandia Mountains to hike around and see the views. It is so unusual for all of us to mesh with another family so easily and quickly. 

It is such a strange thing that when people see you, they tear up or cry (which makes me cry). My father’s side of the family say that I look just like him; my mother’s side of the family say I look like her.  I guess I’m a good blend of both.

There were also two large family events.  One was a dinner with about 30 people at a restaurant near our AirBnB with mariachi musicians/singers. I met my sister and another brother that evening. Quite emotional, I must say, especially after all of the prayers that were said for  and about us (each time we were all together). 😭  The other was an afternoon/evening barbecue at my brother’s large home with about 50-60 people with chile pepper roasting (a traditional family event). I had requested name tags and everyone wore them with their name on top and their relationship to me under their name. That helped our family so much!  

On a side note, our family thinks it’s cute that my husband is the “exotic” in our Spanish family. He has light hair and clear blue eyes and everyone really noticed them.   At our wedding ceremony 35 years ago, the little girls in his family all thought that I was the first “exotic” in the family because I have such dark hair and eyes.  😀

My sweet cousin (from yesterday’s post) had us all  and another cousin to her home for coffee and brunch as well. It was a small gathering, but several hours of great conversation and food. Everyone enjoyed that visit immensely. Saying goodbye to our extended family was more difficult than I had anticipated. 😭  I’m glad that some of them come to Florida occasionally and we are already planning another family trip to California  next year so it was definitely not goodbye forever. 😀 

I am so thankful that my son gave me this very special Christmas gift and that my nephew reached out to me initially.  Our whole family would certainly have missed an amazing adventure without them both. 

So, as I mentioned in my first post, I feel like I’ve been in a Hallmark movie that hasn’t ended. I have regular contact with at least 5 of the women (both sides of the families), 2 nephews and one of my brothers.  In addition to that, many more chat and text via phone, zoom, Facebook and messenger.  They seem very happy that we are part of their families;  I certainly am happy that I am part of theirs. 

May the Lord bless them and keep them, each and every one…💕

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EPILOGUE: 

There are many more details so if you have any questions, just ask me. OR if you are considering doing a DNA search yourself, I would encourage you to do so.  OR if  you have already contacted biological relatives and were rejected (as sadly, one of our cousins had been), just remember that more than likely there are some, probably many, who will NOT reject you.  Be brave and enjoy the journey in your  adventure.

Last year I was hired by our former church to record about 200 pieces of music for their online streamed worship services. They invited me recently to tell the story of my DNA search and trip to Albuquerque.  Click HERE if you would like to listen to that talk. The service is 2 hours and includes introductions, welcome and announcements and prayers at the end. If you do not want to hear the entire 2 hours, skip to…

• 2:55 to hear one song played by me on piano (usually there are 3)
• 1:02:05 to hear my story

Blessings to you all and thank you for joining me on my DNA adventure! 

Genealogy: How I Found My DNA Relatives, Part 5

 Genealogy: How I Found My DNA Relatives, Part 5

My Adoption Records

Isaiah 48:6  …I proclaim to you new things from this time, even hidden things which you have not known.  (I know this verse is taken out of context, but it certainly fits the situation.)

This part is such a miracle.  I love retelling how these events transpired...

I had now determined my mother’s family but which sister was my mother? There were 5 sisters. I had it narrowed down from 5 —> 4 and finally to 2.  I really had to get this correct because one sweet woman as I mentioned previously, thought I may be her sister (her older sister has passed away a couple of years ago). I thought I was her sister also, so I absolutely prayed for the Lord to show me which sister…

I called the Clerk of the Court in South Carolina where I was born, twice, one month apart. Both people who  answered said that all adoption records are sealed unless you have a court order. Period. I searched through their website twice.  Multiple places on the website state that all adoption records are sealed.  I called my genealogist friend for help.  She told me to “call back one more time and make friends with whoever answers the phone”.  She really said these exact words.  I couldn’t believe it.  So, in faith, I took her advice and called one last time. She was just the push I needed for one last try...

I called and the sweet young woman who answered asked me what year I had been born (no one had asked me that).  I told her and she said “those records are upstairs. They are only sealed from 1962 on.”  I almost started crying AND almost dropped the phone. 

This really happened— she said “we are having a tornado warning… can I call you back?”  I was afraid to let her off the phone in case she forgot or was just giving me a line.   She DID call back…twice.  Once to tell me the records were there and that she was sending her aide upstairs to get them.  A second time to read me my mother’s name from the adoption records.  [It was one of the two that we thought.] She scanned those as well as my name change from Baby Girl Valencia to my name and emailed them to me.

What a miraculous turn of events.  I printed the documents and just kept looking at  them.  In my entire life, I had never seen them. Not even when cleaning out my parents’ homes after they passed away.  So now, there was no question who my biological mother was.

The sister/cousin was in reality my first cousin. By now, she had also done a DNA test which doubly confirmed everything. We were both thrilled. As she so sweetly said… “one more family member to love”.  She is such a treasure. Our whole family visited her and her husband in their home plus one other cousin while we were in Albuquerque. We have stayed in regular contact with each other since. Such a gift. 

 

 

Thank You, Lord. He had known all along and wanted me to know also. I just had to wait for the appropriate time.

The final post of this story will be on Thursday…

Genealogy: How I Found My DNA Relatives, Part 4

 Genealogy: How I Found My DNA Relatives, Part 4

Father’s Side ✅; Mother’s Side ❓

Proverbs 16:9  The mind of man plans his way,  but the LORD directs his steps.

News travels fast.  Before I knew it, MANY of the female relatives started contacting me on Facebook messenger, text messages and emails.  I cannot tell you how encouraged I was.  I’ve  never had sisters, although I have quite a few friends who are as close as sisters.  Many photos were exchanged and I was really beginning to feel like part of the family.

Some cool facts about my father and his side of the family (other than the Sephardic Jew revelation in post #2):

• My father was in the Korean War and was away for 3 years
• He married in 1958; I was born in 1955
• My father passed away in 2007
• I have 2 more living half-brothers and one sister; one brother passed away 
• I have 3 more nieces and 3 nephews
• Much of both sides of my family live fairly close to each other in New Mexico but with the exception of one person, do not know each other.
• As far as anyone knows, my father did not know about me. Everyone says that he would have married my mother if he had known. But then, none of the delightful people we met on our trip would have ever been born! I was raised by a wonderful family (parents are both deceased, and I am close with my brother), so I have no regrets about not growing up with the others.  But now I have TWO sweet families!

My mother’s side of the family was more difficult to find since I had so little to start with. However, there was one woman who had done a DNA test whom I thought looked a bit like me, so I contacted her.  (I was getting a little bolder now since no one had rejected the idea of me being in the family.)   She has a 13.62% / 1st cousin relationship with me.  I had already asked several on my father’s side if she was in their family and they all agreed that she was not, so now I had ONE female on my mother’s side to help begin that search.

I sent her the same greeting that I had to the others on the 23andMe site.   She responded right away and told me that her father’s last name was Valencia.  This was huge because HER last name was not Valencia. I had no idea!!  I knew I had the right family because of her resemblance and that name. (Many do not like Facebook, but I tell you, it was invaluable to me in this research.)  We continued our conversations on FB messenger so that we could share photos. One of her father’s many siblings had to be my mother. Because she had given me her father’s full name, using Google search yielded many hits. 

Another remarkable piece of information was that one of my cousins (in her late 70s now) remembered at age 11, meeting my mother in my grandparents’ home. She is the ONLY one in my family still living who met her while she was pregnant.  My mother lived with my parents for 4-5 months before I was born. More on that later.  My cousin’s comments about her when she saw her so long ago helped narrow down her age, so now I was focusing on 2 sisters in particular rather than 6. 

TIP: When searching for a person, sometimes combining names will give a more specific hit rather than searching for just one name. Obituaries provide many family names for more precise hits.

One of those hits was my DNA cousin’s father’s headstone. Did you know that there is a website called FindAGrave.com which shows a picture and details of every headstone in the United States? I didn’t know that either.  That ONE search gave me so much information: the names of his siblings (11 of them!),  his wife’s  name, date of birth and death, his parents, etc. 

But the most important piece of information of all was a link to a woman under the picture below.  I messaged her within the site assuming that she would be a family member but she was actually a seasoned genealogist!! She is retired and her hobby is helping people find their relatives.  She, so very generously, gave me her full access to ancestry.com (which expires Sept. 1—oh, the timing of all of these details was truly remarkable).   Her one condition was that I do all of the work by brainstorming, thinking through the details, asking questions, contacting people, making charts and graphs, etc.  She answered my questions if I got stuck, but I did basically  everything myself. The saying “you learn more completely by doing” is definitely true.

This search was like a giant jigsaw puzzle which, if you know me, know that I love doing puzzles.  I stand amazed at how the Lord placed this woman in my search path at exactly the right time and that she was so gracious to me, a total stranger.

More next Monday…