Genealogy: How I Found My DNA Relatives, Part 3 -- First Contact

Genealogy: How I Found My DNA Relatives, Part 3

Colossians 4:6 Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.

First Contact

As I mentioned previously, my primary purpose of doing a DNA test was to determine if I am really of Spanish origin.  Talking or meeting real people was not even a consideration.  I went back and forth over whether or not to check the Privacy / Sharing option to “yes” and eventually  decided that I would. At my age (almost 67), why not? I did not expect anyone to contact me, but just in case…

The very next morning, I received a message from within the 23andMe site!  Those who know me know I rarely talk to strangers on the internet.  I looked at the photo which was of a young man with red hair and fair skin.  I thought there must be a mistake but he was so certain that I was his “aunty”.   The 23andme site had placed him on the family tree as my grandson and I knew that wasn’t true so that meant that he had to be a nephew.  His percentage relationship to me was 13.55% and his younger brother was 17.89%.  10% or more indicates a closer familial relationship. 

He and I exchanged photos and he gave me a general history of the family, parents (my father had passed away), siblings, etc.  He was (and is) a very polite and friendly young man but I just couldn’t see that we were related because we looked so different from each other (turns out his mother is blonde and very fair).  But his father!!!  His father looked just like my older son… young photos of him even moreso.

After talking online for about a week, I asked him if there was anyone in the family that I might speak with who was older. I had been talking with a “kid” and although he seemed responsible, I wanted someone closer to my age to discuss all of this with.  He directed me to my sister-in-law and her husband (my half-brother) and sent me their photos.  I could not believe what I was seeing... I knew I was looking at my brother (see photo below).  I looked on Facebook and found my sister-in-law.  I prayed long and hard about what to say in Facebook messenger. I didn’t want to scare her/them off but really wanted just the right words to say who I am and that I wasn’t a scam or something worse. 

This is how I worded my first message to my sister-in-law:  Hi, there. This may be one of the strangest messages you have ever received here on FB messenger. Your nephew ______ and I have been chatting via FB and 23andMe DNA testing site for about a week or so. It appears that we are related (we think he and his brother are my nephews) and that your husband is one of my half-brothers.  I would love to FaceTime or Zoom chat with you to ask some questions and compare notes, so to speak, or with _____ who may be my half-sister. Would you be open to doing this sometime this week? There is no pressure whatsoever, but this DNA study is quite fascinating…  In other messages I added …if this is upsetting to you, just delete this message and I won’t contact you again.  I sent this same message to others in the family and was told later that it was this specific wording that drew them all  in.  Thank You, Lord.

I went on to explain that I had been born 2 years before my biological father and mother ever married (not to each other), when they were 19 and 20 years old.  If I had thought that either had cheated on their respective spouses, I would not have gone any further, so as to not hurt the family or cause scandal in any way.  I was praying that she would believe me and not be offended or upset.  She wasn’t!!!  So began a series of back and forth communication which was very encouraging and so helpful. I was so glad that I took the risk and changed that preference on the website to “yes”... AND that both my nephew and my sister-in-law were open to the possibility of me being part of their family.  😀

 

This photo is my half-brother and me taken a couple of weeks ago at almost the moment we first met, at the gravesite of our father. When we each stepped out of different cars and he saw me in person, he cried (as did I).  😭  Of all of my relatives, he and I look the most alike. Keep in mind that no one in my family has ever looked like me except my two sons.   When they were each born, I cried for joy at the  births of healthy sons but also to see that they both looked just like me!  To see my brother for the first time was a moment I will never forget. There were a few other relatives there (some also crying).  After awhile, we all held hands in a circle and my brother prayed for us all including the words “…now our family is complete”.  😭

More later…

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Genealogy: How I Found My DNA Relatives, Part 2 -- Ancestry Composition

The Ancestry Composition Results from  My DNA Test

  “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you…”  [Jeremiah 1:5]

I received my DNA test results (23andMe) about 4 weeks after shipping the kits.  Interestingly, they arrived about 2 weeks before the others. By the way, if you’re interested in buying from any company, wait until Black Friday when they are discounted. OR if you want to buy a 23andMe kit sooner than that, HERE is a referral link to purchase.

 

I thought that this was fascinating. My ancestry composition very closely matches the relatives who have tested.  When I decided to do the test, truly, the only information I wanted to know was “am I really from Spain?”.  My adoptive parents had always told me that… my mother’s maiden name was Valencia, so that seemed right, but I always wanted to know for sure.  People have asked me my entire life, “are you … Chinese? Japanese? Aruban? Greek? Jewish? Cuban? Spanish? Portuguese? Hawaiian? Italian?”…  and so many others.  You name it, I’ve been asked.

So this verified it: The highest percentage of my ancestry (49.7%) is Spanish/Portuguese from Spain.  A totally unexpected turn of events is that one of my younger relatives did a 16-generation ancestry research project  (she hired a professional genealogist) for the family going back to Queen Isabella and King Ferdinand’s time!!! I’d never seen a genealogy more than 5 generations and now I have one (father’s side) with 16!!  

One of my male relatives in the 1400s was exiled from Spain by the monarchy (the other  choices were to convert to Catholicism or be executed).  He was on one of the first ships departing Spain at that time. That’s the 1.0% Ashkenazi Jewish part. What a discovery!

I am also 35.4% Indigenous American.  This will probably always remain a mystery since my mother’s side of the family has never done much genetic research, but who knows? I may learn more as time goes on.  On my father’s side, the genealogy that was done shows three Zuni Women. Sadly, the recordkeepers (mostly Catholic friars) did not include their actual names. But on the other hand, mostly kept very clear records which is the reason that the genealogist could go back so far with such accuracy and detail. About 9% of my ancestry is Asian, Middle Eastern and African. 

So very interesting…more later.

Genealogy: How I Found My DNA Relatives, Part 1

Genealogy: How I Found My DNA Relatives, Part 1

Psalm 139:13 For You formed my inward parts; You knitted me together in my mother’s womb.

I haven’t posted to my blog in quite some time but since so many have asked how it all happened, I decided to reactivate my blog to tell the story. This is the first in a series of blog posts that I’ll write outlining the steps, some of the stories and tips for doing this yourself.  It’s a risk but one that I am certainly glad that I took. Much prayer went into the decision and into each step as well because there were many roadblocks along the way…  I will try to post 2x per week. This is my personal story which incredibly, sounds like a Hallmark movie…

August 2022: I just returned from a week out West with my family to meet my newly discovered DNA relatives.  It was a truly remarkable time.  We all felt so warm and welcomed and loved by everyone we met.  Lots of family activities and special events were planned with both sides of my DNA family.  Even thinking back now, I can hardly believe it. 

I was adopted when I was 2 weeks old and never knew my biological family. The only information I had was my mother's maiden name.  I grew up with a wonderful family of four in the South and wouldn’t change a thing, but still, the feelings when I spent time with so many WHO LOOK LIKE ME were unquestionable. It made me feel like the circle of my life was now complete.  I know that all searches do not turn out like mine did, and I really do feel for those that do not.  I believe that God plans the details in everyone's lives, so whether your search turns out like mine or differently, just trust Him with the results. And by all means, go for it!

Step 1:  Do a DNA test 

There are many kits out there.  One of our sons gave us DNA tests for Christmas in 2021.  He chose 23andMe which is good for what we initially wanted— background and ancestry.  If I had it to do over, I would probably have chosen ancestry.com simply because once you join, you have access to a multitude of documents and records and it seems to be the most popular.   In my case, some relatives chose 23andMe and some chose ancestry.com.  Of course, records are not merged from one DNA company to the other. If all you want is family origin and health (I opted out of health— no need in having a dark shadow over my life), 23andMe is perfect.  I am thankful that my son gave me this exceptional gift to start me on the path.

Most tests are either cheek swab or saliva.  Ours was saliva.  We were all together when we did it (you have to spit into a tube, a LOT).  We were all laughing so hard that we had to go in different rooms to finish.  Took about 15 minutes to complete, then we packaged them all together and shipped them at the same time (end of December 2021).

DNA is one area of science which has been determined to be quite accurate (I don’t always follow the science) but we all felt very comfortable doing this together.  Then we waited for about 4 weeks for the test results…